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Writer's pictureStephanie Kittell

4 QUESTIONS FOR ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS



Stephanie Kittell, smiling with a boquet of roses in front of a brick wall in Oaxaca City, Mexico.


Start by reflecting internally. Journal or note the responses you discover within. Make space to feel these questions and their responses in your body. Know that your responses may change as your life changes. So continue to come home to the questions.


  1. WHAT ARE MY FEARS?

By acknowledging the underlying fears that have held you hostage, you can begin to embrace them as allies and teachers, and move forward free of their control. In other words, the fear is not pushed away or shamed. Rather, the fear is seen as a necessary aspect of your path of awakening.


  1. WHAT ARE MY NEEDS?

Safety, love, acceptance, nourishment, these are some key ones. Maybe, in childhood, your needs were not always met. As an adult, you have an opportunity to meet these needs in your own way, so that you’re not projecting the pain of an unmet need upon others.


  1. WHAT ARE MY DESIRES?

Most people think ‘sex’ here. Yes, AND… perhaps you have a desire to plant a garden, travel the world, try meditation. Whatever it is, your desire is not wrong. Also, not every desire is meant to be lived out. Sometimes, the simple act of expressing a desire releases you from the burden of wanting. And maybe, it’s time to blossom into that which you’ve been yearning for.


  1. WHAT ARE MY BOUNDARIES?

Most people go blank here. Many of us were not modelled healthy and loving boundaries in childhood, and so we continue to stomp all over ourselves and each other. A boundary might be, “I need one hour of personal quiet time every morning’ or ‘I will not allow verbal abuse from my boss.” Once you get clear on your boundaries, it’s up to you to express and show up for them!


Once you’ve reflected, you might take these questions into relationship. Ask your friend, lover, partner, colleague, or family member to respond to these questions while you witness without comment and give them space to be seen and heard.


Deepening intimacy within, we deepen intimacy in all our relationships.



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