Sitting with myself, in all honesty…
I see how uncomfortable I sometimes feel in my own skin.
Itchy.
Fidgety.
Restless.
Roaring fires within.
A mind on overdrive.
Grasping at distractions and shiny objects.
Externalizing my discomfort by focusing on judging-blaming-fixing-rescuing others.
My own energy surprises me sometimes, like it’s too much to hold in one body.
Akin to trying to contain a rocket ship that is always on the verge of taking off.
Escape provides a fleeting relief from the feelings of overwhelm.
And yet, wherever I go, there I am.
Sometimes I simply freeze.
Turning fire into ice for a while, and then crying an ocean of tears when the unexpected presence of kindness melts my defenses and unleashes a flood of feeling that had been held on pause.
And so it goes, again and again.
Though, sitting with myself, in all honesty…
I see that what has always been is not necessarily what will always be.
One step at a time, I am forging new pathways in how I relate to this body-mind-heart, and all beings I cross paths with.
I am learning ways to work with the wild energies within me.
Not by taming or controlling.
Rather, by listening to the wisdom these energies carry and channeling them into fuel for creativity and service.
Because energy needs to move.
I’m slowly seeing that the fire that moves through me is a gift, a great alchemical and transformational force.
My discomfort is rooted in a deep seated distrust in my capacity to hold it all, a fear that I’ll end up burned alive.
But when the flames within are held in the devotion of ceremony and lovingly fed offerings of appreciation, this fire becomes a place of refuge.
A temple for all hearts.
An ear for the songs of spirit.
A hearth around which we may weave our dreams.
And so, sitting with myself, in all honesty…
I release a sigh of deep relief, and I trust in the path unfolding, illuminated by the wild wisdom within.
My question for you is this...
Sitting with yourself in all honesty... what do you notice?
Leave a comment or send me an email.
I'd love to hear your truth.
Because when we begin to relate to ourselves and each other with greater authenticity, honesty and vulnerability, we Rise & Thrive together!
With love,
Stephanie Kittell
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