OPEN JOURNAL #3 - A Vulnerability Experiment

🩸I started bleeding today. TMI?! It’s just truth. 🌗

At this tender time in my moon cycle, I curl up with a cup of cacao, turn off the outside influences, feel the primal process of release moving through the depths of my womb space, and get honest as f*ck with myself. 

Have I been holding onto any half truths that are no longer a full yes?

Am I carrying any burdens that are not mine to carry?

Are there unspoken tensions or questions that need to be given voice?

Let go, and let flow.

Let go, and let flow.

Let go, and let flow.

This is sacred.

🐈 I just pulled the CAT SPIRIT oracle card, reminding me to claim my independence and allow for some space to let my spirit roam. This card is number 13 in the deck. Interestingly, my Mayan Nahual is 13 E’ (E’ being the wildcat). For real… you just can’t make this sh*t up. 🤩

🩸In my experience, every time I bleed, the veils become paper thin. 

Conversations with the many realms of Spirit are plain as day, and their answers ring true.

Once upon a time it was common practice for women to gather in red tents to bleed together, rest, nourish themselves, and commune openly with the inner Divine; returning from their sojourn with bountiful wild wisdoms that were widely respected as beneficial for the community.

Sounds like a win-win doesn’t it?!

In today’s world, we’ve taught women to shut up and suck it up…. bleeding and carrying on with business as usual. 

No time to rest. 

No space for Spirit to speak.

Just dam the flow, and continue status quo.

Is that really working for us?

I know what is working…

Vulnerability, authenticity, the practice of awareness in times when it’s most tough.

📝 With that in mind, I share these previously written pages from my journal… the date is irrelevant. It was a moment in time that still carries resonance today, as I bleed, and feel, and release, and get real. 

With so much love, 

Stephanie

✍🏼🩸❤️

👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼

 OPEN JOURNAL: 

A Vulnerability Experiment

#3

I don’t want to ‘adult’ today.

Today, I leave my devices in Airplane mode & I listen to the voices within. 

No external noise from the digital worlds.

Only presence, with the tender nuances of my body & the body of this Earth I sit upon. 

Feeling tenderized, raw, not fully formed.

Decomposing…. Offering myself back to the Earth.

Taking pause from the blossoming to reach down deep into the depths of me & root out any weeds that may be stunting my growth.

Weeds I’m rooting out:

Worry

Self-doubt

Insecurity

Scarcity

Restlessness

Judgement

Seeds I’m planting in place:

Trust

Confidence

Courage

Appreciation

Purposeful enjoyment

Compassionate curiosity

I will name my fears now, not to give them power, nor perpetuate their presence.

I will name my fears now, so that they will no longer hold secret power over me.

I will bring them out in the open - to be seen, embraced, & softened - so that we may work together as allies… RISING through any perceived limitations & THRIVING in limitless possibilities.

FEAR:

Sometimes present is the gut-wrenching fear that I will fail miserably, ending up destitute, alone, impoverished & unfulfilled.

ROOT:

experiencing the shame of poverty as a child (welfare, food bank, handouts), witnessing loved ones’ lives amount to ‘nothing’, placing my sense of inner validation upon external factors like financial success & societal notoriety.

WHERE I FEEL THIS IN MY BODY:

Restlessness & judgements ping-ponging through the mind. Anxious gripping in the gut. Tight, tense shoulders & neck & jaw…grinding. 

HOW THIS FEAR AND I WILL ALLY:

Leaning in to the web of interdependence & reciprocity & co-creation. Remembering that I am not alone. Asking for support when needed, free from shame. Seeing clearly, gratefully, the ocean of abundance & privilege that I swim in. Knowing my worth, no matter what. Remembering my magic & sharing it in service. Trusting the support of Spirit & surrendering into the flow of life.

But for now, rest my dear.

That’s enough for today.